I like being married. Seventeen years ago after three marriage disasters, I knew was ready to find “the one” and commit for the rest of my life. When I met someone who felt right to me I told him, if what you want is young and cute then keep on looking, but if you want someone who’s heart is golden, who will stick by your side and wholeheartedly love and support you all the way till the end… then I’m your girl.
I said from the get go that I was only interested in getting married for the long haul. He knew without a doubt that I was looking for a forever relationship. And he chose to marry me.
After we got married we had the regular ups and downs. There were some hard times and a lot of REALLY good times and we both grew and changed a lot. Through it all I thought we were in it together; both committed to always improving and working things out. We were so good together that our friends loved US and often referred to us as their favorite power couple. Many people thought we had a perfect and enviable marriage. I did too.
Imagine my surprise then when two weeks before our 15th anniversary he announced that he was DONE with me and moving on. He was immovable and I was dumbfounded and devastated to say the least. I had to process his news in stages. It took me seven weeks to accept that “we” were really over and he’d already moved on.
Talk about a major overnight life changer I wasn’t expecting!!
There’s nothing like a time like this to prompt you to do some deep inner inventory and introspection.
It’s one thing to get divorced when you’re thirty and you think you have a lot of life ahead of you. But at sixty (almost sixty one) it’s a whole different story. I don’t think of myself as old in any shape or form but I can see what twenty -thirty years does and with a bit of soberness I have to admit I have a limited number of full steam ahead years in front of me.
It’s impossible for me not to feel jilted. I admit that I have repeatedly felt betrayed, angry and bitter. These feelings have boiled up and washed over me many times. I could’ve embraced them and let them become part of my identity. But I didn’t.
Instead I allowed myself to feel the emotion and release it by crying and venting on paper and in texts. And I chose to support myself by using essential oils to help release the negative emotion. I diffused oils and rubbed them all over me, especially my heart). I chose to repeatedly turn to God and pray out my emotions until I could let them go and forgive him.
I have chosen to be grateful for this “learning and growing” experience, and as much as possible because it’s not easy I’ve chosen to be kind and positive and graciously accepting of his choice.
I constantly remind myself to keep my feelings (energy) in check and be positive…. because I am an attracting magnet! I still want to be happily married and I truly believe there’s someone out there who is perfect for me and when the time is right he’ll come (I’ll attract him) into my life. It helps to remember that I need to BE the sort of person I want to attract!
In the meantime, let be real.
I’m living alone and sometimes I feel lonely. And sometimes I feel SAD, lethargic, and depressed. And sometimes I feel sorry for myself and think I got cheated. Uggh, I don’t want to feel that way, but honestly sometimes I do. Thankfully I only feel like that sometimes.
There are lots of other times when I feel UP and OPTIMISTIC and POSITIVE and good about my life!! I like feeling good so I do my best to do whatever it takes to make it happen!! Thankfully there are far more happy-easy days now, than there are sad.
It helps that I use doTERRA oils. I’ve used a lot of Breathe–to literally help me breathe especially at first, Past Tense–for headaches and tension, Frankincense and Melissa–to dispel heaviness and darkness, Thyme–to help release anger and bitterness, Lemon and Forgive–to invite forgiveness and peace, and Wild Orange and Rose– because they smell terrific, and they invite happiness, and just plain makes me feel good.
It helps that I’ve chosen to see a door closing to someone who obviously isn’t the fit I thought he was, so when the time is right another door can open to someone who perfectly pairs with the super cool and elevated woman I have become! Ha, I really am liking the qualities and virtues I’m seeing in myself as I navigate myself through this difficult time! At least.
It helps that I keep praying and forgiving him. It helps that I keep striving to see the good in him and be grateful for him. It helps that I want to release him with love and keep on being his friend. Fighting and being enemies never feels good in any situation, so I’m choosing to say no thanks to that.
It helps that I do my best to count my blessings and stay focused on the amazingly bright future I want, instead of the life that didn’t go the way I wanted it to.
Oils, prayer, forgiveness, journaling, choosing/striving to feel good and happy, feeling grateful for everything (even this experience), surrounding myself with positive people, and focusing on what I want… these are all healing tools that are getting me through. They help so much I don’t know how I’d do it without them.
The bottom line is life can be disappointing, devastating, and depressing. It can take your breath away and knock you right off your feet! And you can hurt so much it feels like you’re never going to be able to get up again.
But you can get up, because you weren’t born to be a victim.
Everything about our spiritual energetic makeup encourages us to get back up and do it with increased strength and valor! We all have agency and when hard stuff happens to us we can CHOOSE to use the simple yet ultra healing tools of journaling, prayer, forgiveness, gratitude, and positive attitude, etc… and never need to let life keep us down!
Everyone has the power in us to get their energy back up fast and RISE ABOVE the challenging stuff that happens to them.
Everyone was born to overcome their obstacles and trials and then go on to become victorious and thrive!! And that my friends, is one of the most beautiful and rewarding thing about life!
When I remember this, being single at sixty suddenly feels lighter and much more full of exciting potential. . . . and I’m glad.