After we got married we had the regular ups and downs. There were some really hard times and a lot of REALLY good times and we both grew and changed a lot. Through it all I thought we were in it together; both committed to always improving and working things out. We were so good together that our friends loved US and often referred to us as their favorite power couple. Many people thought we had the perfect (enviable) marriage. And so did I.
So imagine my surprise when two weeks before our 15th anniversary he announced that he was DONE with me, and he was moving on. He was immovable and I was dumbfounded and devastated to say the least. I had to process his news in stages. It took me seven weeks to accept that “we” were really over and he’d already moved on.
WOWZA. Talk about a major overnight life changer that I wasn’t expecting!! There’s nothing like a time like this to prompt you to do some deep inner inventory and inspection.
It’s one thing to get divorced when you’re thirty and you think you have a lot of life ahead of you. But at sixty (almost sixty one) it’s a whole different story. While I don’t think of myself as old in any shape or form, I can see what twenty -thirty years does and with a bit of soberness I do have to admit that I have a limited number of full steam ahead years in front of me. And then there’s the name thing. I’ve branded myself with his name!
And for now, here I am, and this isn’t what I wanted, but it’s what I got. And all I can do now is deal with it.
It’s impossible for me not to feel jilted. I admit that I have repeatedly felt betrayed, angry and bitter. These feelings have boiled up and washed over me many times. I could’ve embraced them and let them become part of my identity. But I didn’t.
Instead I allowed myself to feel the emotion and release it by crying and venting on paper and in texts. And I chose to support myself by using essential oils to help release the negative emotion (I diffused them and rubbed them all over me, especially on my heart). And, I chose to repeatedly turn to God and pray out my emotions until I could let them go and forgive him. I have chosen to be grateful for this “learning and growing” experience, and as much as possible–because it’s not easy!! I’ve chosen to be kind and positive and graciously accepting of his choice and our resulting situation.
I am constantly reminding myself to keep my feelings (energy) in check and be positive…. because I am an attracting magnet! I WANT to be happily married and I truly believe there’s someone out there who is perfect for me and when the time is right he’ll come (I’ll attract him) into my life. It helps to remember that I need to BE the sort of person I want to attract!
But in the meantime, let be real.
To be perfectly honest I’m living alone now, and sometimes I feel really lonely. And sometimes I feel SAD and or hopeless, lethargic, and depressed. And sometimes, I feel sorry for myself and think I got cheated. (uggh, I don’t want to feel that way, but honestly sometimes I do.)
Thankfully I only feel like that sometimes. There are lots of other times when I’m feeling UP and OPTIMISTIC and POSITIVE and good about my life!! I LIKE TO FEEL GOOD so I do my best to do whatever it takes to keep feeling this way!! Thankfully there are far more happy-easy days now, then there are sad.
It helps that I keep using doTERRA oils. I’ve used a lot of Breathe–to literally help me breathe, especially at first!!, Past Tense–for headaches and tension!, Frankincense and Melissa–to dispel heaviness and darkness, Thyme–to help release anger and bitterness, Lemon and Forgive–to invite forgiveness and peace, and Wild Orange and Rose– because they smell terrific, invite happiness, and just plain makes me feel good.
It helps that I’ve chosen to see this as a door closing to someone who obviously isn’t the fit I thought he was, so another door can open to someone who perfectly pairs with the super cool and elevated woman I have become! (Ha, I really am liking the qualities and virtues I’m seeing in myself as I navigate myself through this difficult time!)
It helps that I keep praying and forgiving him. It helps that I keep striving to see the good in him and be grateful for him. It helps that I want to release him with love and keep on being his friend… because I like to feel good and playing win-win always feels best to me! Fighting and being enemies never feels good in any situation, so I’m choosing to say no thanks to that!
And, it helps that I do my best to count my blessings and stay focused on the AMAZINGLY BRIGHT FUTURE I want, instead of the life that didn’t go the way I wanted it to!!
Oils, prayer, forgiveness, journaling, choosing/striving to feel good (happy), feeling grateful for everything (even this experience), surrounding myself with positive people, and focusing on what I want… these are all HEALING TOOLS that are getting me through. And they’re all helping so much that I don’t even know how I’d be doing this without them!
The bottom line is life can be disappointing, devastating, and depressing. I KNOW from a lot of experience that hard stuff happens, and it can take your breath away and knock you right off your feet!! And you can hurt so much it feels like you’re never going to be able to get up again.
BUT the good news is we aren’t victims. Everything about our spiritual energetic makeup encourages us to get back up, and do it with increased strength and valor!
We all have agency and when hard stuff happens to us we can CHOOSE to use the simple yet ultra healing tools of journaling, prayer, forgiveness, gratitude, and positive attitude, etc… and not (ever) need to let life keep us down!
We all have the power in us to get our energy back up (fast) and RISE ABOVE all the hard stuff that happens to us. We were born to overcome our obstacles and trials, and then go on to be victorious and thrive!!
And as we rise up and overcome the obstacles and challenges that are placed in our path it makes us feel good. And that my friends, is the most beautiful and rewarding thing about this life!