When Craig told me he was leaving it was a curve ball I didn’t see coming. Once I got through the initial blast of shock, I determined to be positive and let go gracefully.
But as I settled into the reality of my situation I resisted letting go, and doggedly clung to all that was familiar. I reasoned that I hadn’t quit on anything, that I hadn’t walked out of my life and it wasn’t going to change.
One year plus later, I’ve processed through every unpleasant and unhappy emotion that’s come up and let myself FEEL all of it, and then I’ve repeatedly chosen to let it go.
Finally, I feel like I am through it.
Through all of the pain of being rejected, abandoned and replaced. Through all of the shocked, sad, mad, bitter, disbelieving, disgusted, angry, etc. emotions that have come up…. To the extent that I’m just not any of that anymore. Hallelujah and WooHoo 👍!
The longer I’m alone the more I know I am not lonely. Or needy, or desperate or looking for someone to fill a hole.
I’ve discovered that I’m rock solid and strong and sure, and I like myself a lot. I’m perfectly happy with my own company. That’s not to say I’m not open to someone new coming into my life because I am. But I have a long list and my bar is raised high. I’m PICKY about who I’ll invest time with and you can bet your bottom dollar I’m never going to settle again.
Through the process of readjusting and moving on I’ve discovered that while I have loved my old life very much, I can’t take it with me into my future. If I want my life to open up to new things I’m going to need a new palette play and expand in. Oh boy can I feel the truthfulness of that!
Which isn’t to say I’m going anywhere because for now things are the same. But I am thinking bigger now, and my old life isn’t fitting nearly as good as it used to.
So I’ve surrendered my old life to the heavens, and as long as it FEELS right for me I’m fully willing to step into the new life that unfolds. I can feel that things are going to change and I admit I’m feeling anticipation and excitement about the newness that’s ahead 😀❤️. Maybe even giddy.